I was brought up in a one parent family situation.
I had a father, but he had a wife and seven other children whom he lived
with. So my mum took care of me and on odd occasions we would go and
see my dad and his family.
I first got to hear about God and Jesus from one of my friends from
school. She attended the Sunday school that was held in our school hall,
she told me how they had stories from the bible with quizzes and games,
so I asked my mum if I could go. She said yes as long as she did not
have to go to the church or anything, as she had no time for God. So,
from the age of 8 years I started to learn about God. I attended the
Sunday school until I was 14 years old. That was when things started
to go drastically wrong in my life, and I turned my back on God.
My mum first met my stepfather when I was only 12 years old. At first
they just saw each other once a month but then my mum and he got serious.
Within in a year my mum had moved him into our two bedroom flat, and
my life was turned upside down. Soon he seemed to think he was my father
and started telling me what I could and could not do. He was not a patient
man and things became uncomfortable. One day I came home from high school
to find my mum sitting with a suitcase packed she told me she had to
go into hospital to have an operation, but not to worry as her fiancée
had taken leave from work so he could look after me. This made me very
upset. Here I was a thirteen year old having to adjust to being cared
for by this man whom I did not trust. Life became difficult. This man
was not a good role model. When my mum came home I had become very withdrawn
and I tried to speak with mum about her fiancée but it was not
possible, as he always seemed to appear.
At 17 years, I left home and left my mum with her new husband. I could
not stay in that home any longer. I had got myself a good job at Knowles
Bakery in Broadwater and was living in a bedsit on the seafront. At
first all was well, but soon I started going out to the pub with the
lads from the bakery. We’d play darts and pool and have a few
drinks. It was a good laugh too, but soon I was drinking too much, and
was in a bad relationship. My boyfriend had a bad habit of hitting me
but, of course, nowhere that could be seen. So I drank more and stayed
out later and later. Soon I could not pay my rent and ended up being
thrown out. Due to the drink I also lost my job. I had nowhere to turn
and ended up sleeping rough for 2 weeks. One week I slept under the
pier - this was late September, not really a warm time of year. The
following week I slept in the women’s toilets, eating when someone
was kind enough to feed me.
I felt all-alone, I was ashamed of who I was yet I was too tired and
depressed to really care. In the end I went to see my Dad, who’s
wife had died several years before. All his children had grown up so
I went and saw him, he agreed I could stay with him. But, after two
weeks it was obvious this was not going to work, we did not really know
each other.
Swallowing my stubbornness and pride I went back to live with my mum
and stepfather. Even though it was not really ideal, I’d have
a room and a bed. My mum was recovering from Breast Cancer. I got myself
a job working in a canteen and started to see the barman from the pub
I used to go too. We soon became an item. His name was Matthew and we
got engaged in 1984 and started to save for our wedding.
In 1986 Matthew and I got married and also found out that my mum had
terminal cancer. In August my son Christopher was born and my mum, although
very ill, was able to hold her first grandchild. Sadly she passed away
that November. This made life hard for me. My mum had died. I was only
21, and had a child of my own. It hit me hard, even though I had Matthew
and his family giving me support. I became very angry especially towards
God how could He let me suffer so much.
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